A new chapter in my life has begun and it started at the moment of my pregnancy. On the night of the November super moon I remember grabbing a blanket and my journal to head out onto the front porch where the view of the moon was most brilliant. My lover/best friend and I had just returned from a trip to Iceland; exploring with no plans, finding hidden waterfalls and springs, staying in a cabin on a horse farm we found in the dark and making love under the northern lights. The earth is so powerful and magical there and as I wrote about our adventures together I felt a sudden shift within me. I knew my life was about to be very different, I even knew it was going to be difficult but I felt a sense of calm wash over me; this was meant to happen and this is going to take me to magical places I couldn’t possibly imagine. I took a pregnancy test the next day and it was positive.
So began our epic journey through pregnancy; I became very sick, Brad had a major accident, our relationship was tested, and I suffered intense anxiety and eventually depression. There I was laying on the couch again, feeling terrible and helpless, when I finally realized I was creating my own perpetuating circumstance of misery and it was time for me to take back control. I got back into reading a lot of books and found like minded people online to get inspiration from and even started working with a spiritual guide. Breaking down the ego is a lot of work, and by ego I’m talking the voice inside your head making you feel like you’re not good enough or becoming irritated by something someone else is doing or causing debilitating anxiety about every life situation you come across. Its hard work to connect to your higher self, your true being, and even harder to stay connected once your ego feels itself losing control.
The birth itself was quite the journey, a battle against intense fear; fear my body wasn’t capable of such a feat, fear I wasn’t ready for what was coming, fear of the impending change my life was about to take on. I won the battle and it was a beautiful victory, celebrated with my baby girl on my chest and her little hand wrapped around my finger, our bodies free of medications and bounding with elation from the hormones and endorphins.
I went on to face my next battle of trusting my body to heal. I needed to release the anxiety I had thinking I wouldn't heal properly, as if giving birth to a human baby wasn’t enough to prove to myself how immensely capable my body actually was. I had to shut my ego down, tell it to take a hike because my body is amazing and deep down I knew I trusted it to heal. I had to remind myself every day but it got easier and easier and my body healed sure enough day by day and will eventually be even better than it was before.
Having baby Luna has opened me up to learn more about myself than I ever could have without her. We were meant to walk this life together, to be a guide and friend to each other and live a beautiful story, not without its challenges but beautiful all the same. Its not about being perfect but about working on myself every day while being there for her, to respect her as her own spiritual being with her own story all while listening to the important lessons she teaches me.
Below you’ll find the links to the full birth story and I talk about our first week together and how I’m allowing my body to heal. I’d love to connect so feel free to leave comments or email me anytime!