A New Perception of Time
Old trees are very wise, they exist without time and yet follow a cycle of the seasons, never resisting the changes brought on by fall leaves or bare winters, and never hesitating to open up new buds in the spring. Always in the moment. I’ve always tried to live my life in the moment, noticing the vibrant colors of the flora after a summer rain, thinking how wonderful it really is to sit out in the sun on a beautiful patio with family or enjoying the shadows of light dancing across the floor in the afternoon. But having a newborn has completely altered my perception of time, waking up throughout the night, entangled in a dance of being lost in the moment where time stands still but moves so quickly around you. It feels like I’ve been with her forever and yet only three weeks have passed. I can’t remember what life was like before this, what did I ever do with all my time? I find myself now getting lost in her gaze for hours and still finding hours to write, journal, meditate and create while she sleeps. Surrendering to her has created a new reality for me, one where I move fluidly through time because I realize time doesn’t truly exist. Spending my days being exactly in each moment without worrying about the last or becoming anxious about the next has caused time to stand still, where I can get so much more accomplished.
When I have expectations for what I want to get done in a day I find myself struggling to get anything done at all. For example if I want to get the house cleaned and wake up thinking I’ll have laundry done, the dishes cleaned, floors all swept and everything put in its place I can assure you I won’t get any of it done. This is because I’m always fighting the moment trying to accomplish these tasks but becoming frustrated when the baby won’t settle down and needs to be held or fed and then oh she pooped again! Then soon enough the whole day has gone by and I feel tired and overwhelmed with dishes still piled in the sink and laundry scattered on the floor.
Surrender to the moment. By allowing myself to be guided by each moment I can get so much more accomplished and I find myself fully enjoying each day and all the rich moments scattered throughout it. So when the baby needs me I’m there with her, to hear her cries and understand what she needs, to rock her to sleep or watch her discover the world around her through her big blue eyes. Once I get a moment for myself I’ve been learning to pause and ask myself what it truly is I want to do in that moment and listen to my intuition without judgement or hesitation. So if I want to rest, I lay down to rest and if I want to write or make a blog post, I write. I find I can write a whole post or journal through a tough situation I’ve been working through, take a nap, and even get a load of laundry done when I go through my day like this. I used to get so overwhelmed and anxious when trying to decide what to do when I had the time; do I shower, do I eat, do I clean up, do i want to create something, all these questions overflowed in my mind and then the baby suddenly needs me again I become overwhelmed and not able to do anything at all. So the house might not always be clean but when it really needs to be my intuition will guide me, making time for what needs to be done and allowing me to enjoy it too.
Below is a video blog where I open up about having a really bad day and how I was able to work through it and learn what I needed to keep moving forward.